The Muslim Home: 40 Recommendations

The home is the place where a person eats, enjoys intimacy with his wife, sleeps and rests. It is the place where he can be alone and can meet with his wife and children. It offers cover and protection to women, as Allaah tells us:

If you think about those who are homeless — who live in shelters, on the streets, or as refugees scattered in temporary camps — you will realize the blessing of having a home. A distressed homeless person says: "I have nowhere to settle, no fixed place to stay. Sometimes I sleep in so and so's house, sometimes in a cafe or park." When Allaah punished the Jews of Banu Nadheer, He took away this blessing and expelled them from their homes:

Five Motives for Caring for the Home

First: Protecting the Family from the Fire

Second: Accountability on the Day of Reckoning

Allaah will ask every shepherd [or responsible person] about his flock [those for whom he was responsible], whether he took care of it or neglected it, until He asks a man about his household.

— The Prophet ﷺ

Third: A Refuge at Times of Fitnah

Blessed is the one who controls his tongue, whose house is sufficient for him, and who weeps over his mistakes.

— The Prophet ﷺ

There are five things, whoever does one of them, Allaah will be with him: visiting the sick, going out for Jihaad, entering upon his leader with the intention of rebuking and respecting him, or sitting in his home so that the people are safe from him and he is safe from the people.

— The Prophet ﷺ

The safety of a man at times of Fitnah is in his staying home.

— The Prophet ﷺ

The Muslim can see the benefit of this advice when he is residing in a foreign land where he is unable to change much of the evil around him. His home will be a refuge which, when he enters it, protects him from doing Haraam things or looking at Haraam things, and protects his wife from wanton display and unveiling, and protects his children from bad company.

Fourth: Time Spent at Home

People usually spend most of their time at home — especially when it is very hot or very cold, when it is raining, early or late in the day, and after finishing work or school. This time should be spent in worship and halaal pursuits, otherwise it will be spent in wrongdoing.

Fifth: Building the Muslim Society

Paying attention to the home is the most important means of building a Muslim society, because the society is formed of the households and families that form its building blocks. Households form neighborhoods, and neighborhoods form societies. If the building blocks are sound, the society will be based on the laws of Allaah, standing firm in the face of enemies and filled with goodness that evil cannot penetrate. Then Muslim homes will produce pillars of society who will reform and guide it: exemplary callers to Islaam, seekers of knowledge, sincere fighters in the cause of Allaah, righteous wives and caring mothers.

Recommendation 1: Making a Good Choice When Choosing a Wife

The head of the household must select a righteous and suitable wife based on the following conditions described in various narrations of the Prophet ﷺ:

A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim

This world is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this life is a righteous wife.

— Reported by Muslim (1468)

Let every one of you have a thankful heart, a remembering tongue [remembering Allaah] and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.

— Reported by Ahmad (5/282), At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah from Thawbaan; Saheeh al-Jaami' 5231

A righteous wife to help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone could have.

— Reported by Al-Bayhaqi; Saheeh al-Jaami' 4285

Marry one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud before the other Prophets of your great numbers on the Day of Resurrection.

— Reported by Ahmad; Saheeh al-Irwaa' 6/195

I advise you to marry virgins, for their wombs are fresher, their mouths are sweeter and they are more content with little — and they are less likely to deceive.

— Reported by Ibn Maajah; Al-Silsilah al-Saheehah 623

Just as a righteous wife is one of the four elements of happiness, so a bad wife is one of the four elements of misery. The Prophet ﷺ said: "One of [the elements of] happiness is a righteous wife, who when you see her you feel pleased, and when you are away, you feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property. And one of [the elements of] misery is a bad wife who when you see her, you feel upset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are away, you do not feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property."

It is also essential to look at the situation of the prospective husband who is proposing marriage to the Muslim woman. The Prophet ﷺ said: "If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or sister, etc.] to him, otherwise there will be Fitnah and great corruption in the land." All of this must be achieved through asking the right questions, verifying facts, gathering information and checking sources, so that the home will not be corrupted or destroyed. The righteous man and righteous woman together will build a righteous home, because:

Recommendation 2: Striving to Guide One's Wife

If one's wife is righteous, this is a blessing indeed, and this is from the Bounty of Allaah. If she is not that righteous, then it is the duty of the head of the household to strive to guide her. A man must realize from the outset that guidance comes from Allaah, and that Allaah is the One Who reforms people. One of His blessings to His slave Zakariya was:

Ibn 'Abbaas said: "She was barren and could not have children, then she had a child." 'Ataa' said: "She was harsh of tongue, and Allaah reformed her." There are various means of guiding or reforming one's wife:

- Encouraging her to pray at night (Qiyaam al-layl) - Encouraging her to read Qur'aan - Encouraging her to memorize Athkaar and remember the appropriate times and occasions for saying them - Encouraging her to give charity - Encouraging her to read useful Islaamic books - Encouraging her to listen to useful Islaamic recordings that can increase knowledge and strengthen Eemaan - Choosing good, religious friends for her, with whom she can form ties of sisterhood and have good conversations and purposeful visits - Protecting her from evil and blocking off all avenues for it to reach her, by keeping her away from bad companions and bad places - Creating an atmosphere of faith in the home

Recommendation 3: Making the Home a Place for the Remembrance of Allaah

The likeness of a house in which Allaah is remembered and the house in which Allaah is not remembered is that of the living and the dead, respectively.

— The Prophet ﷺ

We must make our homes places where Allaah is remembered in all kinds of ways — whether in our hearts, verbally, during prayer, by reading Qur'aan, by discussing Islaamic issues, or by reading different kinds of Islaamic books.

How many Muslim homes nowadays are dead because there is no remembrance of Allaah! What must they be like when all that is heard therein is the music of Shaytaan with instruments and singing, and backbiting, slander and gossip? What must they be like when they are filled with evil and sin, such as the Haraam mixing of the sexes and wanton display between relatives who are not Mahram or with neighbors? How can the angels enter a home like this? Revive your homes with all kinds of Thikr, may Allaah have mercy on you!

Recommendation 4: Making Your Home a Place of Worship

This explains the importance of worshipping at home, especially at times when the Muslims are in a position of weakness, as happens in some places where they cannot pray openly in front of the non-believers. In this context we may think of the Mihraab (prayer niche) of Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, which was her place of worship:

The Companions used to be keen to pray at home — apart from the obligatory prayers which they prayed in congregation in the mosque. The moving story of 'Utbaan ibn Maalik illustrates this. He came to the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ and said: "I am losing my sight, and I lead my people in prayer. When it rains, the valley between me and them gets flooded and I cannot get to their mosque to lead them in prayer. O Messenger of Allaah, I would like you to come and pray in my house so that I can take it as a place for prayer." The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: "I will do that, in shaa' Allaah." The next day the Messenger ﷺ and Abu Bakr came and entered the house. The Prophet ﷺ asked: "Where would you like me to pray in your house?" 'Utbaan showed him a corner of the house, and the Messenger ﷺ stood up, said Takbeer, and they prayed two Rak'ahs behind him. (Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 1/519)

Recommendation 5: Spiritual Training for the Members of the Household

The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ used to pray Qiyaam at night, and when he prayed Witr he would say: Get up and pray Witr, O Aa'ishah.

— Reported by Muslim (6/23)

May Allaah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses he throws water in her face.

— Reported by Ahmad and Abu Daawood; Saheeh al-Jaami' 3488

O women! Give in charity, for I have seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath (1/405)

One of the practical ideas is to have a box at home for donations to the poor and needy: whatever is put in the box belongs to them, because it is their vessel in the Muslim home. If the family members see an example among them fasting on al-Ayyaam al-Beed (the 13th, 14th and 15th of each lunar month), Mondays and Thursdays, Taasoo'aa' and 'Aashooraa' (the 9th and 10th of Muharram), and 'Arafah — this will be a motive for them to do likewise.

Recommendation 6: Paying Attention to Athkaar and Supplications from the Sunnah That Have to Do With the Home

Athkaar for Entering the Home

When any one of you enters his home and mentions the Name of Allaah when he enters and when he eats, the Shaytaan says: You have no place to stay and nothing to eat here. If he enters and does not mention the name of Allaah when he enters, [the Shaytaan] says: You have a place to stay. If he does not mention the name of Allaah when he eats, [the Shaytaan says]: You have a place to stay and something to eat.

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (3/346); Muslim (3/1599)

Du'aa When Leaving the Home

If a man goes out of his house and says: Bismillaah, tawakkaltu 'ala Allaah, la hawla wa la quwwata illa Billaah [In the name of Allaah, I put my trust in Allaah, there is no help and no strength except in Allaah] — it will be said to him: This will take care of you, you are guided, you have what you need and you are protected. The Shaytaan will stay away from him, and another Shaytaan will say to him: What can you do with a man who is guided, provided for and protected?

— Reported by Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi; Saheeh al-Jaami' 499

Using the Siwaak Upon Entering

When the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ entered his house, the first thing he would do was use the Siwaak.

— Reported by Muslim, Kitaab at-Tahaarah, chapter 15, no. 44

Recommendation 7: Continuously Reciting Surah Al-Baqarah in the House to Ward Off the Shaytaan

Do not make your houses into graves. The Shaytaan flees from a house in which Soorat Al-Baqarah is recited.

— Reported by Muslim (1/539)

Recite Soorat Al-Baqarah in your houses, for the Shaytaan does not enter a house in which Soorat al-Baqarah is recited.

— Reported by al-Haakim, al-Mustadrak (1/561); Saheeh al-Jaami' 1170

Allaah wrote a document two thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth, which is kept near the Throne, and He revealed two Aayaat of it with which He concluded Soorat al-Baqarah. If they are recited in a house for three consecutive nights, the Shaytaan will not approach it.

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (4/274); Saheeh al-Jaami' 1799

Recommendation 8: Teaching the Family

This is an obligation which the head of the household must undertake, in obedience to the command of Allaah:

This ayah is the basic principle regarding the teaching and upbringing of one's family, and enjoining them to do what is good and forbidding them to do what is evil. Here are some of the comments of the scholars:

One solution is to allocate some time for the family to hold a weekly study-circle at home. The Prophet ﷺ set a precedent for this: when the women of the Companions requested a dedicated day for learning, he set aside a day when he would meet them and teach them. (Reported by Al-Bukhaari in the chapter: Can the women be given a day exclusively for them to seek knowledge?)

Ibn Hajar said: "A similar report was narrated by Sahl ibn Abu Saalih from Abu Hurayrah, according to which [the Prophet ﷺ] said: Your appointment is in the house of so and so, and he came to them and spoke to them." What we learn from this is that women should be taught in their houses, and we see how keen the women of the Companions were to learn.

Suggested resources for family study: Tafseer of Ibn as-Si'di (Tayseer al-Kareem al-Rahmaan fi Tafseer Kalaam al-Mannaan, published in seven easy volumes); Riyaadh as-Saaliheen and its commentary Nuzhat al-Muttaqeen; Hasan al-Uswah bimaa thubita 'an Allaahi wa Rasoolihi fi'l-Nuswah by Siddeeq Hasan Khaan.

Important topics of Fiqh to teach women include: Tahaarah (purity) and its rulings; menstrual and post-partum bleeding; Salaah; Zakaah; Siyaam (fasting); Hajj; rulings on food and drink; clothing and adornment; the Sunan al-fitrah; rulings on Mahaarim (relatives who are forbidden in marriage); rulings on singing and photography.

Recommendation 9: Building an Islamic Library in Your Home

Having one's own Islaamic library at home helps the family develop an understanding of their religion. It does not have to be extensive — what matters is choosing good books, placing them where they are readily accessible, and encouraging family members to read them. Organize books by subject, with books of Tafseer on one shelf, books of Hadeeth on another, Fiqh on a third, and so on.

Suggested books for Tafseer: Tafseer Ibn Katheer; Tafseer Ibn Si'di; Zubdat al-Tafseer by al-Ashkar; Badaa'i' al-Tafseer by Ibn al-Qayyim; Usool al-Tafseer by Ibn 'Uthaymeen; Lamahaat fi 'Uloom al-Qur'aan by Muhammad al-Sabbaagh.

Suggested books for Hadeeth: Saheeh al-Kalim al-Tayyib; Riyaadh as-Saaliheen and its commentary Nuzhat al-Muttaqeen; Mukhtasar Saheeh Al-Bukhaari by al-Zubaydi; Mukhtasar Saheeh Muslim by al-Munthiri and al-Albaani; Saheeh al-Jaami' al-Sagheer; Saheeh al-Targheeb wa at-Tarheeb; Al-Sunnah wa Makaanatuhaa fi at-Tashree'.

Suggested books for 'Aqeedah: Fat-h al-Majeed Sharh Kitaab at-Tawheed; A'laam as-Sunnah al-Manshoorah by al-Hakami; Sharh al-'Aqeedah at-Tahhaawiyyah edited by al-Albaani; The series on 'Aqeedah by Umar Sulaymaan al-Ashqar in 8 parts; Ashraat as-Saa'ah by Dr. Yoosuf al-Waabil.

Suggested books for Fiqh: Manaar as-Sabeel by Ibn Duwiyyaan; Irwaa' al-Ghaleel by al-Albaani; Zaad al-Ma'aad; Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah; Fiqh as-Sunnah; Al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi by Saalih al-Fawzaan; Collections of Fatwas by Ibn Baaz, Ibn 'Uthaymeen, and Ibn Jibreen; Sifat Salaatu an-Nabi by Shaykh al-Albaani and Shaykh Abd al-Azeez ibn Baaz.

Suggested books for Good Manners and Purification of the Soul: Tahtheeb Madaarij as-Saalikeen; Al-Fawaa'id; Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi; Tareeq al-Hijratayn wa Baab as-Sa'aadatayn; Al-Waabil as-Sayib; Lataa'if al-Ma'aarif by Ibn Rajab; Ghadhaa' al-Albaab.

Suggested books for Seerah and Biographies: Al-Bidaayah wa'l-Nihaayah by Ibn Katheer; Al-Raheeq al-Makhtoom by al-Mubaarakpoori; Siyar A'laam an-Nubala'; Al-Mujtama' al-Madani (2 vols.) by Shaykh Akram al-'Umari.

There are many other useful books — the Muslim should consult others and think carefully. Whomever Allaah wishes good for, He helps him to understand His religion.

Recommendation 10: Building a Home Audio Library

Having an audio device in every home may be used for good or for evil. One of the ways to use it in a manner pleasing to Allaah is to build a home audio library of good Islamic recordings by scholars, Fuqaha', lecturers, and preachers.

Listening to recitations of the Qur'aan — especially recordings from Taraaweeh prayers — will have a great impact on family members: impressing upon them the meanings of the Revelation, helping them memorize Qur'aan through repeated listening, and protecting them by replacing the music of the Shaytaan with the word of Allaah. Tapes of Fatwas from scholars such as Shaykh Abd al-Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh Muhammad Naasir ad-Deen al-Albaani, Shaykh Muhammad al-Uthaymeen, and Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan may have a great effect on family members.

Muslims must also pay attention to the sources from which they take Fatwas, because this is the matter of religion. Among the features of a sound lecturer: he should be a believer in the 'Aqeedah of the Saved Group, Ahl al-Sunnah wa al-Jamaa'ah; he should be moderate, neither extremist nor lenient; he should base his talks on sound narrations and beware of weak and fabricated narrations; he should have insight into people's situations and the realities of the Ummah; he should speak the truth and not utter falsehood to please the people.

Recordings for children have a great influence — whether helping them memorize Qur'aan by listening to a young reader, teaching them du'aas to be recited at various times of the day and night, or instilling Islaamic manners through beneficial content.

Recommendation 11: Inviting Good and Righteous People to Visit the Home

If people of faith enter your home, it will increase in light (Noor) and will bring many benefits through conversation and shared knowledge. The bearer of musk will either give you some, or you will buy from him, or you will find that he has a pleasant scent. When children, brothers and parents sit with such visitors — and women listen from behind a curtain or screen — this offers an educational experience to all. If you bring good people into your home, you keep bad people from coming in and wreaking havoc.

Recommendation 12: Learning the Islamic Rulings With Regard to Houses

Praying in the House

The best prayer is a man's prayer in his house — apart from the prescribed prayers.

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 731

A man's voluntary prayers in his house will bring more reward than his voluntary prayers at other people's places, just as his obligatory prayers with the people are better than his obligatory prayers alone.

— Reported by Ibn Abu Shaybah; Saheeh al-Jaami' 2953

The best prayer for women is [that which is offered] in the furthest part of their houses.

— Reported by At-Tabaraani; Saheeh al-Jaami' 3311

A man should not be led in prayer in his place of authority, and no one should sit in his place in his house, except with his permission.

— Reported by At-Tirmithi, no. 2772

Seeking Permission to Enter

Telling children and servants not to enter the parents' bedroom without permission at the times when people usually sleep — before Fajr, at siesta time, and after 'Isha' — lest they see something inappropriate. If they see something accidentally at other times, this is forgivable, because they are among those who go about in the house and it is difficult to stop them.

Prohibition of Looking Into Others' Houses Without Permission

Whoever looks into someone's house without their permission, put his eyes out, and there is no Diyah or Qisaas [blood money or retaliation] in this case.

— Reported by Ahmad, al-Musnad (2/385); Saheeh al-Jaami' 6046

Other Important Rulings

A woman who has been divorced by Talaaq for a first or second time should not leave or be made to leave her home during the 'Iddah, and she should still be supported financially.

It is permissible for a man to forsake his rebellious wife inside or outside the home, according to the interests prescribed by Sharee'ah in any given case.

A man should not stay overnight alone or travel alone.

— Reported by Ahmad, al-Musnad (2/91)

Whoever sleeps on the roof of a house that has no protecting wall, nobody is responsible for what happens to him.

— Reported by Abu Daawood, as-Sunan, no. 5041; Saheeh al-Jaami' 6113

Cats are part of the household, and they are among those who go around in your houses.

— From Abu Qataadah; Reported by Ahmad, al-Musnad (5/309); Saheeh al-Jaami' 3694

Pet cats do not make vessels or food naajis (impure) if they drink or eat from them.

Recommendation 13: Creating Opportunities for Meetings to Discuss Family Matters

Family meetings are a time when family members can sit together in a suitable place to talk about issues within and outside the family. This is a sign of strong ties, interaction and cooperation within the family. No doubt the man is the one whom Allaah has appointed to be in charge of his household's affairs and he is primarily responsible and the decision maker — but giving room to others to contribute, especially when the children get older, is good training for them to learn to bear responsibility.

Examples of topics for family consultation: going for Hajj or 'Umrah during Ramadhaan; organizing wedding parties and 'Aqeeqahs for newborns; moving from one home to another; charitable projects such as finding out about the poor people in one's neighborhood so the family can offer help; problems faced by relatives and how to solve them.

There is another important kind of family meeting: holding frank discussions between parents and children. Some of the problems of adolescence can only be solved by one-on-one conversations. A father talks, calmly and quietly, with his son about matters to do with the problems of youth and the Islaamic rulings pertaining to adolescence; a mother talks to her daughter and tells her what she needs to know at this age. The father or mother may open the discussion with words such as "When I was your age..." — this will have a great effect in making what they say acceptable to the youngster. Lack of such frank discussions will force the children to talk to bad companions, which leads to many other evils.

Recommendation 14: Not Showing Family Conflicts in Front of the Children

It is rare for people to live together under one roof without any arguments, but reconciliation is better and correcting oneself is a virtue. What shakes the unity of the family and harms its infrastructure is when conflicts are brought out into the open before the family members, who then split into opposing camps — not to mention the psychological harm done to children, especially little ones. Think about a home where the father says to the child: "Do not speak to your mother," and the mother says to him: "Do not speak to your father." The child is confused and filled with turmoil, and the entire family lives in an atmosphere of hostility. We should try to avoid conflict, but if it happens, we should try to hide it. We ask Allaah to create love between our hearts.

Recommendation 15: Not Letting Into the House Anyone Whose Commitment to Islam Is Not Pleasing to You

The likeness of a bad companion is like the one who works the bellows — he will burn your house or your clothes, or you will smell a bad odor from him.

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath (4/323)

Indeed, he will burn your home with all kinds of corruption and evil. How often has the entry of corrupt and suspicious people into a home been the cause of enmity among the family members, or of division between husband and wife! This is how Sihr (magic, witchcraft) is brought into people's homes, why things are sometimes stolen, and why morals are so often corrupted: because a person whose commitment to Islaam is no good is admitted into the home. We must not let such people in, even if they are neighbors, and even if they appear to be friendly.

Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone into your homes whom you dislike.

— Reported by At-Tirmithi (1163) from 'Amr ibn al-Ahwas; Saheeh al-Jaami' 7880

Advice to men: try to be at home as much as you can, because the guardian's presence at home keeps things under control and enables him to supervise the upbringing of the family and to put things right by watching and following up. For some people, the basic thing is to always be outside the home, and only if they cannot find some place to go do they come home — this is wrong. How evil are those who neglect their families and stay in nightclubs and idle places!

Recommendation 16: Taking Careful Note of What Family Members Are Up To

A guardian must continually ask himself: Who are your children's friends? Have you met them before? What do your children bring home from outside? Where does your daughter go, and with whom? Some parents do not know that their children have in their possession bad pictures, pornographic movies or even drugs. Those who neglect their children will not be let off on the Day of Reckoning.

Allaah will ask every shepherd [or responsible person] about his flock [those for whom he was responsible], whether he took care of it or neglected it, until He asks a man about his household.

— Reported by An-Nasaa'i (292) and Ibn Hibbaan; Saheeh al-Jaami' 1775; as-Silsilah as-Saheehah 1636

Important principles for supervision: 1. This supervision must be subtle. 2. The atmosphere should not be intimidating. 3. The child must not be made to feel that he or she is not trusted. 4. Advice and/or punishments must be measured against the ages of the children, their level of understanding, and the extent of the wrongful behavior. 5. Beware of negative methods of checking on children and making them feel that their every move is being watched.

Equally, beware of the opposite extreme — those who refuse to get involved in their children's affairs at all, claiming the child will not be convinced that a mistake is a mistake unless he experiences it himself. This deviant idea comes from being weaned on ideas of western philosophy and notions of absolute freedom. Do these people not think that their children might pull on their clothes on the Day of Resurrection and say: "O my father, why did you leave me in sin?"

Recommendation 17: Paying Attention to Children at Home

Teaching children to memorize the Qur'aan and Islaamic knowledge: there is nothing more beautiful than a father and his children coming together to read Qur'aan with a simple commentary, offering rewards for memorizing passages. Young children have memorized Chapter al-Kahf from hearing it recited repeatedly by their fathers every Friday. You can teach children the basics of Islaamic 'Aqeedah, good manners, and the Athkaar prescribed by Islaam for eating, sleeping, sneezing, greeting, and asking permission to enter.

There is nothing more attractive or effective for children than telling them Islaamic stories, such as: the story of Nooh and the Flood; the story of Ibraaheem breaking the idols and being thrown into the fire; the story of Moosa being saved from Pharaoh, who was drowned; the story of Yoonus in the belly of the whale; the story of Yoosuf; the biography of Muhammad ﷺ, his Hijrah, and the battles of Badr and al-Khandaq; the story of the people of al-Ukhdood; and the three companions of the cave. These are far better than stories that go against 'Aqeedah or frightening myths that make children cowardly and afraid.

Be selective about who your children play with, lest they return with bad words and bad behavior. Give them a special playroom or at least a cupboard for their toys, where they can keep their toys tidy. Avoid toys that go against Sharee'ah, like musical instruments, toys with crosses on them, or games containing dice. Permissible hobbies such as carpentry, electronics and mechanics are excellent alternatives. Most importantly: separate boys and girls in their beds or sleeping arrangements — this is one of the things that distinguishes those who are committed to their religion from those who do not care.

Joking with children and showing them affection is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ used to play with children, pat their heads, speak to them in a kind and gentle manner, give the littlest one the first fruit, and even let them ride on his back. Abu Hurayrah reported:

The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ used to stick his tongue out at Hasan ibn 'Ali, and the child would see the redness of his tongue, and would like it and come running to him.

— Reported by Abu ash-Shaykh in Akhlaaq an-Nabi wa Aadaabuhu; as-Silsilah as-Saheehah no. 70

We went out with the Prophet ﷺ and we were called to eat, when we saw Husayn playing in the street. The Prophet ﷺ rushed ahead of the people, holding out his arms, and the child was running hither and thither; the Prophet ﷺ was laughing with him until he caught him, then he put one of the child's hands under his chin and the other on top of his head, and kissed him.

— Ya'la ibn Murrah; Reported by Al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, no. 364; Saheeh Ibn Maajah 1/29

The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ kissed al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, and al-Aqra' ibn Haabis at-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ looked at him and said: The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.

— From Abu Hurayrah; Sahih Bukhari and Muslim

Recommendation 18: Being Strict in Adhering to a Schedule for Meals and Bedtime

Some houses are like hotels where the people who live there hardly know one another and hardly ever meet. Some children eat whenever they want and sleep whenever they want, which leads to staying up late and wasting their time. This chaos leads to a weakening of family ties and a waste of time and energy, and exacerbates the lack of discipline among family members. There is nothing nicer than a family gathering together at the table and making the most of this opportunity to ask how everyone is and to discuss useful topics. The head of the household has to be firm in setting a time for everyone to be back home, and in insisting that everyone asks permission before going out.

Recommendation 19: Re-Evaluating Women's Work Outside the Home

The laws of Islaam complement one another. When Allaah commanded women to remain at home, saying:

He also decreed that men — their fathers, husbands, and guardians — should be obliged to spend on them. The basic principle is that women should not work outside the home unless they have to. When Moosa saw the two daughters of the righteous man keeping back their flocks and waiting, he asked them what was the matter. They replied:

They were apologetic about the fact that they had come out to water their flocks, because the guardian was unable to do so due to old age. As soon as the means to go back home arose, one of them said:

This woman made clear her desire to return to staying at home, to protect herself from the vulgarity to which she could be exposed if she worked outside. In conclusion: a woman may work if she needs to or for some Islaamic purpose, such as calling others to Allaah in the field of teaching or nursing, within the conditions set out by Sharee'ah, and when there is a genuine need.

Among the negative aspects of women working outside the home: what often happens of things that are forbidden in Islaam, such as mixing with men, getting to know them and being alone with them; not giving the husband his rights and neglecting the house and children; undermining the feeling in some women's minds that the husband is the Qawwaam (protector and maintainer); and physical exhaustion and psychological pressure which does not befit the nature of women. We must weigh every matter according to Sharee'ah and know the circumstances in which a woman is permitted to go out to work and when she is not.

Recommendation 20: Confidentiality — Keeping Family Secrets

This includes: not disclosing intimate marital secrets; not disclosing marital conflicts; and not disclosing any secrets whose exposure could cause harm to the family or to any of its members.

One of the most evil of people in the sight of Allaah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who went in unto his wife and she went in unto him, then he disclosed her secret.

— Reported by Muslim (4/157)

Are there men among you who when they have intercourse with their wives, they close their doors and lower their curtains and ask Allaah to conceal them — and then do they sit and say: I did such and such? Do you know what that is like? It is like a female devil meeting a male devil in the street and having intercourse with him whilst the people are watching.

— Reported by Abu Daawood (2/627); Saheeh al-Jaami' 7037

With regard to disclosing marital arguments outside the home: in many cases this only makes matters worse. Involving outside parties in a marital conflict usually deepens the split. This should not be resorted to except when they cannot resolve the matter face to face, in which case we should act in accordance with:

With regard to harming the family by spreading their secrets: this is not permissible, covered by the Prophet's ﷺ words: "There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad 1/313; al-Silsilat as-Saheehah no. 250). An example of betraying family secrets is found in the Tafseer of:

Recommendation 21: Spreading Kindness in the Home

When Allaah - may He be glorified - wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (6/71); Saheeh al-Jaami' 303

When Allaah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.

— Reported by Ibn Abu ad-Dunya and others; Saheeh al-Jaami' 1704

In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses and with the children, and brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness:

Allaah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else.

— Reported by Muslim, Kitaab al-Birr wa'l-Sillah wa'l-Aadaab, no. 2592

Recommendation 22: Helping One's Wife With the Housework

Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ was a perfect example of the opposite. When 'Aa'ishah was asked about what he used to do in his house, she said:

He used to sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (6/121); Saheeh al-Jaami' 4927

He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself.

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (6/256); as-Silsilah as-Saheehah 671

He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray.

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath (2/162)

If we were to do likewise today, we would achieve three things: we would be following the example of the Prophet ﷺ; we would be helping our wives; and we would feel more humble, not arrogant. Some men demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed — they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food. Let these narrations be a reminder and a lesson.

Recommendation 23: Being Affectionate Towards and Joking With the Members of the Family

Showing affection towards one's wife and children creates an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ advised Jaabir when he married a previously-married woman rather than a virgin:

Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim; Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath (9/121)

Everything in which Allaah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife...

— Reported by An-Nasaa'i in 'Ushrat an-Nisa'; Saheeh al-Jaami'

The Messenger of Allaah and I used to do Ghusl together from one vessel, and he would pretend to take all the water so that I would say: Leave some for me, leave some for me — and both of them were in a state of Janaabah (impurity).

— Reported by Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi (4/6)

The Prophet ﷺ showed great affection towards young children. Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would rush to welcome him. 'Abd-Allaah ibn Ja'far narrated:

Whenever the Prophet ﷺ came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him — Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madeenah.

— Reported by Muslim (4/1885-2772)

Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should reflect on this narration. From Abu Hurayrah:

The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ kissed al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, and al-Aqra' ibn Haabis at-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ looked at him and said: The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.

— Sahih Bukhari and Muslim

Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are no truthful jokes, no affection and no mercy.

Recommendation 24: Resisting Bad Manners in the Home

Every member of the household is bound to have some bad characteristics — lying, backbiting, gossiping and so on. These must be resisted and opposed. Some people think that corporal punishment is the only way to deal with such things, but the following hadith is very educational:

If the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ came to know that one of his household had told a lie, he would try to ignore him until he repented.

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (6/152); Saheeh al-Jaami' 4675

It is clear from this hadith that turning away and forsaking a person — by not speaking to them rather than resorting to punishment — is effective in such circumstances and may be more effective than physical punishment. Let parents and caregivers think carefully about this.

Recommendation 25: "Hang Up the Whip Where the Members of the Household Can See It"

Hang up the whip where the members of the household can see it, for this is more effective in disciplining them.

— Reported by At-Tabaraani (10/344-345); as-Silsilah as-Saheehah no. 1447

Seeing the means of punishment hanging up will make those who have bad intentions refrain from bad behavior and motivate them to be good-mannered. Ibn al-Anbaari said: "There is nothing to suggest that it should be used for hitting, because [the Prophet ﷺ] did not command anyone to do that. What he meant was: keep on disciplining them."

Hitting is not the first resort of discipline; it is not to be used except when all other means are exhausted, or when it is needed to compel someone to do obligatory acts of obedience. Allaah instructs in Surah An-Nisa (4:34) to admonish first, then withdraw from the bed, and only then — and lightly — to strike. The Prophet ﷺ also said:

Order your children to pray when they are seven years old, and hit them if they do not do so when they are ten.

— Reported by Abu Daawood (1/334); Irwaa' al-Ghaleel 1/266

As for hitting unnecessarily, this is aggression. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ advised a woman not to marry a man because he always had his stick on his shoulder, meaning he regularly beat his wives. On the other hand, those who refuse any form of discipline at all — following secular educational theories — also contradict the Sharee'ah.

The head of the household must guard the home against the serious evils that have become common in our time. The following recommendations each identify a danger that must be addressed with vigilance and Islamic wisdom.

Recommendation 26: Beware of Non-Mahram Relatives Entering Upon Women When Their Husbands Are Absent

Recommendation 27: Men and Women Should Sit Separately During Family Visits

Recommendation 28: Be Aware of the Dangers of Having Male Drivers and Female Servants in the House

Recommendation 29: Forbid the House to Immoral People

Recommendation 30: Beware of the Dangers of Television

Recommendation 31: Beware of the Evils of the Telephone

Recommendation 32: Remove Everything That Contains Symbols of False Religions

You have to remove everything that contains symbols of the false religions of the non-believers, their gods and objects of worship.

Recommendation 33: Remove Pictures of Animate Beings

Recommendation 34: Do Not Allow Smoking in Your Home

Recommendation 35: Do Not Keep Dogs in Your Home

Recommendation 36: Avoid Excessive Decoration in Your Home — Keep It Simple

Recommendation 37: Choosing a Good Location and Design for the Home

No doubt the true Muslim pays attention to the choice and design of a home in ways that others do not.

With regard to location: the home should be close to a mosque. This has obvious advantages — the call to prayer will remind people of prayer and wake them up for it; men will be able to join the congregational prayers; women will be able to listen to the Qur'aan recitation over the loudspeakers; and children can join study-circles for memorization of Qur'aan. The home should not be in a building where there are immoral people, or in a compound where non-believers live with mixed swimming pools and the like. The house should not overlook others or be overlooked; if it does, put up curtains and make walls and fences higher.

With regard to design and layout: pay attention to segregating men and women when non-Mahrams come to visit — separate entrances and sitting areas are ideal; if that cannot be done, use curtains and screens. Cover windows so that neighbors or people in the street cannot see into the house, especially at night when lights are on. The toilets should not be situated so that one faces the Qiblah when using them.

Choosing a spacious house with good amenities is also a recommendation, for:

Allaah loves to see the signs of His blessings on His slave.

— Reported by At-Tirmithi, no. 2819 (Hasan)

There are three elements of happiness and three elements of misery. The elements of happiness are: a righteous wife, who when you see her she pleases you, and when you are absent from her you feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your wealth; a compliant riding-beast that helps you to keep up with your companions; and a house that is spacious and has plenty of amenities. The elements of misery are: a wife who when you see her you feel upset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are absent from her you do not feel that you can trust her; a stubborn riding-beast that tires you if you whip it but fails to help you keep up if you do not; and a house with few amenities.

— Reported by al-Haakim (3/262); Saheeh al-Jaami' 3056

Recommendation 38: Choosing the Neighbor Before the House

This is a matter which must be singled out for discussion because of its importance. Nowadays neighbors have more impact on one another, because houses are closer together and people live together in buildings, apartments and compounds.

Four causes of happiness include a righteous neighbor. And four causes of misery include a bad neighbor.

— Reported by Abu Na'eem, al-Hilyah (8/388); Saheeh al-Jaami' 887

Because of the seriousness of the latter, the Prophet ﷺ used to seek refuge with Allaah from bad neighbors in his du'aa':

Allaahumma inni a'oothu bika min jaar as-soo' fi daar il-muqaamah fa inna jaar al-baadiyah yatahawwil [O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from a bad neighbor in my permanent home, for the neighbor in the desert (i.e. on a journey) moves on].

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, no. 117; Saheeh al-Jaami' 2967

The Prophet ﷺ commanded seeking refuge with Allaah from a bad neighbor in a permanent home, because the neighbor on a journey will eventually move on. A practical solution implemented by some good people is to rent neighboring homes for trusted friends and family — so as to solve the neighbor problem. This may be an expensive solution, but a good neighbor is truly priceless.

Recommendation 39: Paying Attention to Necessary Repairs in the Home

Among the blessings of Allaah in this modern age are the amenities that make many things easier and save time — such as air-conditioners, fridges, washing-machines and so on. It is wise to have the best quality of appliances that one can afford, without being extravagant or putting oneself under financial strain. One should also be careful to distinguish between useful extras and extravagant additions that have no real value.

Part of caring for the home includes fixing appliances and amenities that break down. Some people neglect these things, and their wives complain about homes crawling with vermin, overflowing drains, piles of stinking garbage, and broken and worn-out furniture. No doubt this is one of the obstacles to happiness in the home and causes problems in the marriage and health problems. The smart person is the one who hastens to fix these things.

Recommendation 40: Paying Attention to the Family's Health and Safety

When any member of his family got sick, the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ would blow on them and recite al-Mi'wathatayn (the last two Chapters of the Qur'aan). (Reported by Muslim, no. 2192)

When one of his family members got sick, the Prophet ﷺ would call for soup, and it would be made for him, then he would tell them to drink it, and he would say:

It will strengthen the heart of the one who is grieving and cleanse [heal] the heart of the one who is sick just as any one of you wipes the dirt from her face.

— Reported by At-Tirmithi, no. 2039; Saheeh al-Jaami' 4646

One of the ways of taking safety precautions in the home is to observe the following prophetic guidance:

When evening comes, keep your children inside, for the Shayaateen [devils] spread out at that time. Then when an hour of the night has passed, let your children go, lock the doors and mention the name of Allaah, cover your pots and mention the name of Allaah, even if you only place a stick across the top of your vessel, and extinguish your lamps.

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath (10/88-89)

Lock your doors, cover your vessels, extinguish your lamps and tie your knots properly, for the Shaytaan does not open a door that is closed, or uncover something that is covered, or untie a knot that you tie. And the mouse could set the house on fire [i.e. it could pull out the wick of the lamp and set the house on fire].

— Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad (3/103); Saheeh al-Jaami' 1080

Do not leave fires lit in your houses when you go to sleep.

— Reported by Al-Bukhaari, al-Fath (11/85)

And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and may He grant us — and all Muslim families — homes that are filled with His remembrance, guided by His light, and built upon righteousness.